No more posts from me for a while... finally, you say? Shut up forever, you say? Fine. I will. After I say:

EAT BALLS AND DIE.

The AF Retreat in Big Bear, which I think set a world record for cheapness ($20 a person for a sweet cabin and a bunch of eggs and spam for the entire weekend), went really well. It struck a good balance between chill and fun, and everyone seemed to have a really good time. I made several discoveries about myself and gained some insight into other people, but who really gives a fuck. Let's get on to the bathroom story.

For some reason when I go to public bathrooms, I like it to be pretty empty. I always go to the third floor men's bathroom in Ackerman, which has fifty stalls, but no one ever uses it. In here I'm free to make all sorts of rectal noises and not bother anyone else. So the other day I'm in the stall, reading some writing on the door about how gay people peek at you while you take a dump and they hide in the toilet and finger you up your butthole and you like it so much you turn gay too, when some guy comes in the empty bathroom with fifty other stalls and takes the one right next to me.

So I'm thinking, what the fuck? Why doesn't this guy use some other stall? Why the one right next to me? Now I have to try and hold back the rumbling wet-farts and finish my private shitting session with some psycho happily taking a dump right next to me. I take a look at his shoes and see that he's wearing those gray old school Reeboks that look really rubbery. And they were pretty small, like size 7 or 8. I don't know the name of the shoes but that's the best description I can give. So if you happen to see some bastard walking around campus wearing those kinds of shoes, tell him to stop invading my fucking space.

I want to see how long I can write entries about going to the bathroom. So I was eating a somewhat unsatisfactory dinner tonight at Cowboy Sushi when all of a sudden I felt a rumble in my stomach. I didn't think too much about it because usually when that happens, I can just drink some water and it'll go away. But the rumbling was pretty ferocious, so I went to the bathroom.

So I'm in the bathroom and I was having a pretty violent time, when some dude knocks on the door. I'm like, yeah there's someone in here. So I continue, but half a minute later there's another knock. I'm like ok maybe it's someone else, so I say again, yeah there's someone in here. But half a minute later, AGAIN, some motherfucker knocks on the motherfucking door. Good god, bitch ass, I don't think I can disappear from the bathroom in less than a minute. I really wanted to drop a couple misfires on the toilet seat just for this motherfucker's enjoyment later. Anyway, I finish up and clear out of there, but once I get outside I don't even see the guy who was waiting for the bathroom. Oh well, I'm sure I wouldn't have done anything worse than look at him angrily.

However, it was a notable experience because it was my first time not leaving Cowboy Sushi drunk as hell. Morale of the story: never go to Cowboy unless you get drunk.

But the coolest thing about today was that Ziggy bought me a Canon A1 SLR camera as a graduation gift. I was completely shocked and pretty happy. I don't think I should accept it, but I know he wants me to have it and play with it so it'll help me improve my photography and I can go exploring LA with it, so I'm going to take it. And I'm going to enjoy it. But that STILL means I'm going to have to buy him a really kick ass graduation gift in return.

I went with some of the AF crew to C&O tonight. While we were waiting by the foul smelling nastiness outside for over half an hour, I decided I could no longer hold in my piss and went inside to go to the bathroom. When I got there, I had to wait because some bitch ass motherfucker and his girlfriend decided to go into the bathroom together. It was one of those male/female bathrooms. I was already starting to twitch by then, but I had no choice but to wait, since the line for the female bathroom was even longer. The whole time I was thinking, great, he's throwing it in her right now, and my bladder is going to erupt all over this goddamn hallway.

As soon as I'm about to wet my pants in front of a sophisticated looking older woman and some loud-ass older Asian dude waiting next to me, the couple comes out of the bathroom. It had been less than a minute, probably. I stare at both of them as they go out, and I rush in the bathroom, almost forgetting to lock it behind me. After I relieve myself, I go back outside and start thinking about it.

Why the fuck would you go to the bathroom with your significant other? I mean, I don't think they could have removed key items of clothing and done anything satisfactory in under a minute, so I can only surmise that they just wanted to go pee together. So again, why the fuck would you do that? Can you not bear to be away from your lover for more than a minute? Does it make you feel closer? Do you help each other pee? I said I would write about actual events instead of what goes on in my fucked up head. So there you have it, I wrote a long ass entry about how a couple went to the bathroom together. Enjoy, motherfuckers.